After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
