Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
