i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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