And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
