I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
