One girl and one boy is just not enough.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
zippers are such a cool invention
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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