so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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