apparently the secret to your success is patron
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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