How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
