shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
