i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Congratulations! We have a period
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
