I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
