I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
lets start a swedish sibling band together
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You were trust falling into bushes
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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