So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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