I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
