Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
