Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
