Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
