he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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