3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
