I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
