No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
