His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
