at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I was not drunk enough for that final.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
