I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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