She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
