Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
