Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
