yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
