can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
