i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
