Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
my shit smells like andre
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
