Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
