we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
