I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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