I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
