Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
