All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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