Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
