What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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