i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
