what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
