we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
porn star boner night. come get it.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Let's paint friendship bongs
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
