It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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