We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Never joke about your clitoris.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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