why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
