he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
