wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
