Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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