There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
