i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
