That's when you crack a 10am beer
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
