I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
